View from the Prairie Box

I’m wondering where my Extroverted self has gone. I still see traces of it when I go next door for supper or when I talk to friends at church. I still get kind of wound-up and energized after those times. But who is this new Rebecca, the one who mutters to herself and oftentimes wonders how long she has been carrying on an internal dialogue and not speaking out loud once, thereby unintentionally damaging the verbal development of her firstborn? Who is this girl who is completely wiped out by 9:30pm even though she got eight hours of sleep the night before and spent most day at home with her child? Who is this wife who, after dining and watching Alias with close buddies, runs home to the computer, doesn’t want to talk much with her dear husband, and deeply cherishes her quiet, alone time? Where, oh where, has my E gone?

Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I’m worn out by this ball of anxiety sitting deep within my chest. Maybe I’m spending too much time at home alone, not stirring the creative juices by interacting with the outside world. The problem is, even when I do get out, I’m greatly distracted by mommy/caretaking responsibilities. After asking two questions during Alias about missed nitty-gritty details, I shut up. Feeding Livia her bedtime bottle and keeping up with the specifics in plotline were just too much for me to handle, I guess. Julie, the friend joined for the tv show, says all the multitasking wears you out. I believe her. She has two girls under two years of age and her life is one big multitasking job.

For now I will let E rest a bit and attempt to embrace my inner I. Goodnight, my dear Blogland. I apologize for the recent one paragraph posts and simple photographs. It’s all my I self can handle right now.

Sorry if you ever wished for *normal* children. Here’s hoping a birthday wish for normal grandkids turns out better! We love you!!!

I heard a snippet of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech this morning on Good Morning America. I was moved by the small clip of American children, from various locations, reciting the speech. It prompted me to find an audio mp3 of the address as well as a written version. Listen to it today if you can.

Last night in the Tredway living room, immediately following Dr. Pepper commercial featuring the song, “I Would Do Anything For Love”:

R: Whatever happened to Meat Ball?
J: Who?
R: Meat Ball.
J: You mean Meat Loaf?
R: Yeah.

[hilarious laughter ensues]

I stumbled upon this quiz (thanks, mrscrumley!) and couldn’t help but take it. Apparently, I am “not nerdy, but then again maybe not all that cool either.” Tee hee.

Blessings are snow and ice and ice-covered sidewalks. Blessings are waking up a baby, rapidly feeding her, and carrying her pajama-clothed body to an early morning meeting at church. Blessings are being reminded by three caring people to watch out for the ice on the ice-covered sidewalks. Blessings are committee members who don’t mind a talkative baby attending their meeting. Blessings are an office staff, at a former workplace, who still love to talk and share and who also welcome aforementioned baby. Blessings are joints and ligaments that can easily carry pajama-clad child back over ice-covered sidewalks without aches and pains. Blessings are a house with warm rooms on the same block as the church.

Blessings are from a great God who cares for the details of one life, of one girl, on a winter morning.

Dear Livia,

Eight months old already! You’ve now lost the infant look completely and qualify as a “big” baby. At the mall yesterday I was amazed by how long you looked (from my angle above you as the Designated Stroller Pusher) and how you can no longer fit in those teeny baby clothes. In fact, we were constantly wandering between the infant and toddler sections trying to find 6–9 and 12 month clothing. And for some crazy reason, though we are in the dead of winter, JC Penney had short sleeve shirts and shorts all over their racks. In Nebraska babies can’t really wear such things until June and July… but whatever! I’m trying to do the smart shopper thing by buying discounted clothes for you for next winter, which then leaves me guessing how big you’ll be at that time. You’re so very tall (about 100% for your age, I’d bet) that you completely fill out all your current outfits and I’m already shopping for 12 month old items. Livia, our long, skinny babe!

This last month saw the exchange of baby toys for everyday items. You are far more attracted to our remote controls than to your bright plastic teething rings. You’d much rather bang a spoon on the table than play with your rattles or dollies. Every time I talk on the phone you try to grab it away from me, which makes for interesting conversations with the person on the other end of the telephone line. You are also now fascinated with faces. You grab and swat at them with surprising power and your parents are, for the first time, trying to figure out when you’ll understand “no.” A delicate baby pat, and your sweet open-mouthed cheek kisses, are always welcome… But the face slappage has got to end! We’re grateful for the insight and experience of Cadence & Halle’s mom and dad, and we look to Cadence to see what you’ll be like in one year. If you’re anything like this 21 month old you’ll be intelligent, creative, and quite willful at the same time!

A few weeks ago you experienced your first Christmas (family and presents, and more presents, and more family). The highlight of the Christmas season for you was a tie between flickering candles and wrapping paper. Candles have the power to mesmerize your wee baby mind into a motionless trance, while wrapping paper has the opposite effect. Give the kid some noisy paper and she turns into a flapping, paper-eating creature of giddiness! We felt very blessed to show you off at the Helman Christmas dinner in David City—and also very blessed to have so many family members who already love you so greatly. You made out like a bandit with a new carseat, a rocking horse, DVDs, new clothes and new toys. Now we’ve just got to figure out how to make Christ the center of the season and we’ll be doing alright.

I could probably write a decent short story based on this one month of your life, but who (besides me) would want to read it? So let me end this letter by listing last month’s firsts:

• first time eating applesauce, carrots, prunes, peas, barley cereal, pears and Cheerios
• first real cold
• first time taking only 4 bottles a day and sleeping 12 hours at night
• first utterance of “mama” to Daddy
• first utterance of “dada” (as a stand alone word) to Mama
• first time clapping while mimicking me
• first visit to an art museum (where you even got to see a Caravaggio and Goya)

From the time we walk into your sunlit room in the morning until the time we zip you up in your pink sleep sack at night, you are our entertainment and joy, Livia. We sure do love you.

Love,
Mama

Finally, it’s snowing in Lincoln!

I layered up in my thickest winter coat, two pairs of socks and two pairs of gloves to scoop our sidewalks clean this afternoon. There’s something refreshing and rewarding about getting out in the cold weather to clean up the walkways. When I was a kid my dad couldn’t wait to get outside; he would start shoveling snow first thing in the morning. Now I can wait awhile, afterall I don’t particularly crave icy snow blowing in my face, but I do find myself enjoying the outdoors the same way he did. I like to see what is going on in the neighborhood and I can feel my desire for perfectionism rising as I try to meticulously scoop the walks the ways my neighbors do. Right now the snow continues to fall and I’m certain I’ll get to scoop at least one more time today. But for now I’ll enjoy the company of Jeremy (taking a vacation day) in our warm, cozy house.

What are the rest of you snowbound bloggers doing today?