I believe in a God who gives grace abundantly to those who need it. I acutely feel the need for it as I fill out paperwork to start up the adoption process for our second child. While I’m exceedingly excited and hopeful to adopt again, the process is an interesting, slightly tedious and detail-filled one. And this is where I praise God for being a God of grace. Because though I wish I had a really laid back personality, one that doesn’t feel the need to sweat the small stuff, I don’t. I tend to worry over the small things. Still, I believe God is in control of the Tredways and that He will take care of the details.
Here’s what is going through my mind as I’m preparing to hand in adoption paperwork.
Regarding the “Dear Birthmom Letter”:
Is my letter alright? I haven’t addressed it to anyone in particular; not “birthmom” and not “birthparents” because I read somewhere that a pregnant woman or a boyfriend of a pregnant woman may not consider themselves parents quite yet and they may find it offensive. And offensive is the last thing I want to be. So I leave “Hello!” as my opening statement. Good enough. But is the letter good enough? Do we sound like loving and devoted parents? Hope so. Do we sound like real people? Sure hope so. Did I include enough about our spiritual lives to interest a family of faith, yet keep it generic enough not to turn off someone who isn’t interested in God? Geez. I can’t please everybody. Good enough. Handing it in. But oh! Should I print it on paper with the cute borders, like the stuff at Kinkos? I don’t own any of that paper and it doesn’t really represent us. But what about catching someone’s eye? Surely I’d find a cute-bordered paper more interesting than plain old white. Stop thinking. Stop worrying. Hand in the letter.
Regarding the profile information:
What is Jeremy’s height? What is his complexion?? If he’s light-skinned, then what am I? (Freckled and pale just doesn’t sound quite right!) What ARE our hobbies? Do we sound too boring? Or too middle American? Or too (fill in the blank)? Would we adopt siblings? Or twins? What about a child with medical needs? How old of a child would we adopt? What if the birthfather used drugs? Abused drugs? Is mentally ill? What if the birthmother used drugs? Abused drugs? Is mentally ill? Would we still adopt the child? Questions upon questions upon questions. Answers, a few guesses, and it’s done. Ready to hand in the profile information.
Deep breath. And here we go! Lord God, we ask for your hand upon us as we await another child for our family.
12 Comments
Megan Jan 15, 2008 11:25 PM
Congratulations! I have no idea if that’s the appropriate thing to say, though if you had announced you were expecting we would certainly say that and I think this is pretty much the same thing: expecting a baby, correct?
So congratulations!! And here’s hoping your time of waiting is filled with excitement, anticipation, and happiness.
Jacinda Jan 16, 2008 1:57 AM
You are brave.
RT Jan 16, 2008 8:24 AM
Thanks for the congratulations, Megan–I’ll certainly take it! In some ways, announcing the start of an adoption process is like announcing the start of fertility treatments. There’s no guarantee this will lead to another wee Tredway, though we certainly hope it does!
Lots of adoptions happen by word of mouth, so that’s why I’m exposing ourselves on the blog. We waited two years to hear of a baby girl born in May ’04. I received a quite random email from someone within our presbytery (another church within our denomination) and I jumped on the phone within moments… And that was the start of our love affair with Livia Raine.
You all are our eyes and ears. Please keep praying for us–and certainly give us a holler if you hear of a potential adoption situation! r_lt @ t_redway_s.org [remove underscores and spaces]
bobw Jan 16, 2008 9:24 AM
awesome!
Aubrey Jan 16, 2008 9:43 AM
How exciting!! And how blessed is this child going to be to be in a family like yours! I have always loved the picture of adoption as a reminder about what God has done for us in Christ. I hope for all the best for y’all.
Sarah B. Jan 16, 2008 10:12 AM
SO excited for you!
michellew Jan 16, 2008 1:34 PM
Yeah! May God bless you guys incredibly during this process and bring his peace and rest to you in the midst of all the crazy details.
meg Jan 16, 2008 4:40 PM
Congrats Rebecca — would love to hear more about the process and who you are going through. Maybe we can do coffee sometime?
Mom L Jan 16, 2008 6:29 PM
It just hit me…I’m going to be a Nana again!! xo Mom L
RT Jan 16, 2008 6:55 PM
Maybe, maybe not (on becoming a Nana again)… Unfortunately, in the adoption process there’s no sure thing of a baby until papers have been signed and a judge has made a decree.
I’ll try to post more on this stuff in the future, but for now, I should say that the tenuous nature of adoption is tough to go through. Adoptive parents could be “chosen” and then wait 7-8 months through a pregnancy with a birthmom only to get turned down once the child has been born. Again, it’s good to know that our sovereign God knows what’s up in these situations. I know I’d lose my mind if I didn’t have a measure of faith in Him.
Amie Ladd Jan 18, 2008 1:09 PM
I am also an adoptive mama from Mo. Are ya’ll using agency? I hate to hear that you feel you may come out of this process without a child. I know the process is daunting, but it should bear fruit.
I don’t know what race of children you are accepting. Here in Missouri we adopted our 7 day old baby (african american) girl four months after turning in our paperwork. When we filled out the papers we just left the race up to God.
We will be praying for your family. You may see a picture of our family on my myspace page. Yes, myspace- I could’nt figure out how to use eblogger- at myspace.com/mamasapronstrings. My page is only for friends and family but it will show a picture. Best of luck to you!!-Amie L. previously an unknown lurker :)
RT Jan 18, 2008 3:44 PM
Hey, Amie–nice to meet you! We are not using an agency, instead we will continue to work with the attorney we used for my daughter’s adoption.
Congrats on your sweet family. It’s always encouraging to hear others’ stories!