Thoughts on Having the Last Baby

Posted on May 5, 2015 at 8:23 AM in Family, Fertility, Foster Care, Parenting

lastbaby

After Baby Boy came to our house last summer, I began to embrace the idea that this was our last baby. As he grew out of items like the infant bathtub or changing table pad, I passed them off. I gave away the infant carseat. My house appreciated the decluttering, but so did my mind. Making a decision to not have any more babies was simple to make as we had a baby living with us. With a full heart and full arms, I was satisfied.

As it turns out, deciding when your family is complete is a thought process every set of parents has to go through. Whether it’s considered at age 37 or 47, it’s part of living really. Jeremy and I hold loosely to our plans but we make them nonetheless. We’re aware that God is the Author of our story, so if he calls us to be parents to a new baby in a few years, well then, that’s what we’ll do. I have a long-running joke (nightmare) that I’m going to have a Tami Taylor baby, which means we’ll magically procreate a little punkin when Livia turns 16. Don’t laugh; I can totally see that happening, can’t you??!

In the depths of parenting a very busy early walker, I fantasized about having time to myself. Small children can be SO busy—ours certainly was—and time alone was so very limited. Taking a shower felt fairly epic and not at all mundane, and having lunch with a friend became a test of wills and patience as little hands grabbed at our food and threw his own Cheerios on the floor. I kept meaning to make a list of things I’d enjoy doing once he was gone. Though I never did, I’m still amazed at how easy it is to prepare dinner for three instead of three plus a baby. My evenings are now much more relaxed with no visitation workers dropping by twice every night, no baby needing bedtime prep, and would you look at all that free time in which I can shower! Amazing really. We took dessert to a friend’s house a few weeks ago and sat with them until long after the sun set while my big kid entertained herself. Life without a baby has felt remarkably free of time constraints!

In the days after the Baby’s reunification, our friend Sarah and her daughter Rosie came to visit town. Rosie is half a year older than Baby Boy but her very presence reminds me the sweetness of having a little person around. As I prep dinner she squeezes her body between me and the countertop. She says “hold you” and puts her arms up so I can grab her. She sits nicely on my hip and is a gentle hugger. She’s excited to see me (“Bucka!”) and her laughter is infectious. Jeremy and I hear her voice and smile at each other—that’s how cute she is.

The reasons for not having any more babies holds firm. I still have old lady elbows that aren’t going to miraculously heal themselves. We’re now 37 and 44, for anyone who’s keeping track, and that’s on the older side to start over with an infant. And perhaps the biggest reason of all, our daughter turns 11 this week. While she’s a fantastic big sister, the age gap of 10-11 years is nothing to sneeze at. The last nine months we’ve often operated as two families… The daytime grouping of mom + baby while Liv was at school and the evening pairing of mom + big kid while Baby was at visits.

As I work through the emotions of reunification—happy, sad, up and down, back and forth—I am realizing that I’m also grieving this life milestone of having the last baby. It’s a weird one, I can’t say otherwise! But even as I see the end of our family-building years as it pertains to babies (big kids are another matter entirely) I know there are always children for me to love. I’m still a foster mom and goodness knows this world is full of children who need a bit more loving. I have nieces and nephews and I have millions of children at church to enjoy. Literally millions. (Redeemerites love them babies!) I want to be a woman who nurtures children well throughout the rest of my years and I’m reminded that I don’t have to be their mother to do that.

4 Comments

  1. Megan Dunham May 5, 2015 8:40 AM

    *Love*

    We’ve gone through much of the same processing over the past few months. Caring for a 2yo and a 1yo at 41 and 44 is seriously different than it was at 27 and 30. But then again, we have had the added help of four teens/tweens and that was seriously different too.

    Still. Now that we’re moving to another state and a much smaller house, it seemed right and wise to unload the massive amount of 0-5yo boy and girl stash we’ve accumulated over the past 2.5 years and 16 kids.

    And it’s hard at the same time – there are still kids needing homes, even in Montana. Maybe we will pick the baton back up again some day. Maybe it will be later this year, or maybe it will be after two girls go to college and we have a little more room. Or maybe we will become a respite provider. Heavens knows we know the importance of that role too.

    But saying good-bye this Friday to our two little guys when they aren’t going back to their parents, but to yet another foster home is heart breaking for all of us.

  2. Jan Wismer May 5, 2015 8:56 AM

    Your parents modeled well for you the art of nurturing other people’s children, and our bairns were blessed because of it. Lauren and I pray constantly for other godly people to enter our children’s lives regardless of their ages. It is what we are called to do. Thanks for answering the call with such a loving spirit.

  3. Janna May 6, 2015 11:46 AM

    Beautiful, friend…as always! Thanks so much for sharing.

  4. papa Lawton May 6, 2015 12:04 PM

    This papa’s heart Feels sadness as I miss this little one and his incredible smile when I walked in the room. it is such a gift to be able to serve these little ones.

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