The question “How are you doing emotionally?” intimates that there is a distinct possibility that something may not be right emotionally. And though I field how-are-you’s multiple times a day, when my physician, the guy who’s supposed to be looking out for my general physical health, asks about my emotional status, well, I get a bit overwhelmed.
The answer is that I’m actually doing quite well. But it hasn’t always been this way. In the past year I’ve gone through many rough spots and dark days. Emotionally, the past year has been a challenge. So while I was honestly answering my doctor’s question, sadness brewed up from deep within my soul and I worked hard to force tears from staining my dry eyes. A few steps away from the office, however, and once in the elevator, I reflected on the overwhelming emotions, the “wow, my life really sucks” thoughts that were beginning to boil over.
It wasn’t until I reached my car that I remembered a few key truths that keep me grounded. One, that this life is temporary and my dealings with diabetes and arthritis are very real reminders of that. In the most odd of odd ways, my frustrating physical condition is a blessing. Granted, I hate both diabetes and arthritis and I feel very, terribly, enormously sorry for myself that I have to deal with one, let alone both, of them, but still… I am blessed because they remind me that heaven is just around the corner and Jesus’s grace is enough to sustain me through this phase of life. Someday soon my joints and pancreas will be perfectly restored and, from what I hear, I’ll be doing some serious dancing on golden streets. Incredible really.
The second thought that keeps from me floating away in my own personal bubble of misery is that many, many people have it worse than me. Just the other day I read an article in the newspaper about this little girl with a disease that ages her prematurely (progeria). Though I’m sure this little girl isn’t helped by my pity, I still felt incredibly sorry that she never had a typical childhood and probably will not live to see age 20. My family and loved ones have been remarkably spared from physical pain and misfortune—and I praise God for that. I also praise God for blessing me with a husband who can counter my complaints with, “Oh yeah? I’ll trade you no hands for diabetes for a day” (and then we discuss what we’d do in that particular 24 hour span). I praise God for my beautiful and amazing daughter, the girl with an immune system so fabulous that even the smallest of cuts seem to disappear faster than they should. I praise God for my spirit, which, though affected by physical ailments, doesn’t remain bruised for long. I praise Him for 70 degree weather, for the greenness of grass, for the white clouds in the brilliant blue sky this morning.
“How are you doing emotionally?”
Pretty darn good.
3 Comments
Bethany Jul 28, 2005 10:16 PM
Thank you for that.
Craig Jul 29, 2005 9:54 AM
Yes, thanks, Rebecca, for this piece (and it is a piece, not just a post). It is/was touching and I almost cried reading it, it was so honest.
Unlike you, I have had relatively little physical ailments that have ever given me problems. While I’m grateful for that, I also wonder sometimes if it’s because I would not do a very good job handling such hurt (Megan, I’m sure would attest to this); thus, God may have spared me (at least so far).
Not sure of the theology of all that, but I’ve always had the perspective that stronger people seem to have the worst things to deal with, though it’s very much a chicken-and-egg consideration, I think. Based on my relatively lack of struggle in the past, my application is that I might have a ways to go in growing up in terms of character and person. Thanks for being someone who seems a bit further down the road in dealing with this.
RT Jul 30, 2005 11:19 AM
The physical struggles I’ve been through have afforded me doubt of God’s goodness, restoration of real faith, and newfound knowledge of a few spiritual applications. When I visit an endocrinologist or rheumatologist, I am surrounded by white and gray heads and can’t help but think about the wisdom they’ve gained over the years. Oftentimes wisdom comes when one is in position of suffering — it’s a very humble place to be and you can either gain or lose something from it.
Rambling thoughts here… They’ve been bouncing around my noggin for awhile now. Perhaps someday I’ll organize them on paper.
Thanks for reading, B & Craig. Craig, I appreciate your encouraging words about this “piece”.