“Parents need to say what they mean, mean what they say.”

This is the title of John Rosemond’s parenting column in today’s Lincoln Journal Star. The family psychologist then states the importance of “no” meaning “no” when it comes to raising children.

Easier said than done. Seriously.

When I am running around the house, trying to get the day started, it is easier to repeat my instructions (“Livia, get your shoes on”) ten times rather than stop to make certain she obeys. Sometimes I just dislike being the enforcer–I’m a classic softie who would much rather cuddle and keep tensions low than watch my child erupt in anger and tears. But allowing Liv to disobey by not “saying what I mean and meaning what I say” is a dangerous thing and makes a mockery of my job as a parent. Furthermore, the longterm effects of disobedience for my daughter will lead to her destruction, not to a rich life for her and the people around her (Proverbs 19 speaks very clearly to this).

Enforcing instructions is time-consuming at this point. Really, it’s a fulltime job that requires forethought, planning and the patience of Mother Teresa. I can see why even good parents feel like running for the hills on challenging days.

Livia had just received a brand new purse this afternoon from her Nana by way of Jen Allen (thank you, Jen!). She delighted in showing me the multiple treats inside the little black bag: a packet of gum, a container with coins, and a small white pumpkin. Livia and her bags are a charming combo, I must admit. In retrospect, taking away her new purse was absolutely the right thing to do when she ignored my instructions and warnings (issued twice) while leaving Nana’s house. But that didn’t make it any easier, especially when her small voice apologized from her car seat on the ride home. I, once a small girl quite masterful at employing all manners of manipulations, was not surprised when this apology was followed by, “So, can I have my purse back now?” Heh. My struggle is not with grace, it is with sincere discipline. So no, she didn’t get the bag back. The consequences remain the same and Liv will be reunited with her latest acquisition tomorrow morning.

God, give me strength to do this job. I now have the slightest of understandings of how you must feel when I disregard you. And the slightest of understandings of how much you still love me. Livia is the most beautiful object lesson I’ve ever received.